Handling the "terrible twos"

During this period of toddlerhood, we become all too familiar with the outbursts of anger because HE wanted to get the cup (not you) and tantrums in the grocery store.

Our little ones may enter this phase shortly after their first year of life, and may continue through this time of emotional ups and downs until around the age of 3-4 years. This however may vary from child to child.

The "terrible twos" are commonly understood based on this period of difficult behaviour. You may find your little one having periods of screaming, hitting, biting and dropping to the floor in response to a particular situation. But your little one is NOT a problem/ difficult child. They are having sensory overload. They are feeling overwhelmed by their emotions based on a particular situation and are still unable to communicate their needs effectively.

TIPS FOR HANDLING THE TERRIBLE TWOS

Let the tantrum happen

Sometimes intervening is not the wisest option during these moments. When we try and "quieten" our little ones during a tantrum, we are indirectly saying to them that their feelings are not valid or important. Well, that's more or less how they feel at least. As long as there are no safety hazards in the environment, such as hurting of another individual, let your child cry and scream it out until they are calm enough for some love from you.

Remove dangers from the environment

I have made this a point on its own as I feel this should actually be the first thing we do in a tantrum situation. Ensure that if your child decides to throw themselves on the floor that there are no hazardous objects nearby (you may have to react quickly in this situation.) If there is a risk of your child hitting or biting someone, it is best in that situation to remove your child and follow the next few tips in a different environment.

Big hug

A tight squeeze is an effective tool that can be used to calm our little one's down. Some children may not take a liking to this however, based on their sensory likes and dislikes. Sustained pressure on to our little ones body's is one option that may help reduce their level of arousal.

A hug is also an important way to show your little one that you love and support them, to create some sense of security during these uncertain times.

I usually let my little one scream it out for a few seconds, then I go over to him and give him a big squeeze! This works majority of them time, and allows him to listen to me once he has calmed down.

Validate feelings

Once your little one has calmed down and is able to listen to what you have to say, make sure that you reiterate to them that their feelings are valid and important. By saying something along the lines of "I can see that you got very upset when you couldn't get that sweet before dinner," (state the emotion and what caused it) " but you are going to have dinner now and then you can have your sweet." (state the appropriate action to take.)

Make sure to tell your little one (if they happened to hit or bite) that hitting or biting is not how we react as it hurts people. It is important to explore appropriate outlets for your child in this case. Blowing bubbles for instance, is a way to encourage deep-breathing (while having fun).

Distraction

Once your little one has calmed down, it's always best to change the environment and remove them from the situation. Of course this is not always possible, but it does help everyone involved. it's important that we address the issue however, before we distract our little ones so they are able to learn from these situations.

Plan outings around needs

It's always best to plan a shopping trip, for instance, after nap time or feeding time. This will ensure we are not left in a situation with a hungry, tired toddler screaming through the mall.

If you cannot make an adjustment to your plans, go prepared. Make sure that you pack all the food, liquids, diaper-changing supplies and nap essentials your little one may need.

Model appropriate responses

Our toddlers will never learn the correct way to respond to their emotions or communicate their needs if we do not model this behaviour for them.

If your little one is cranky because he is hungry, reiterate to him that he is feeling hungry, and get him to repeat after you "food please." If you do this consistently, they will learn that when they feel hungry, they need to ask for food.

When something may upset us, and we are in the eyes of our little ones, remember to behave and react appropriately (try not to curse or shout) as our behaviour lays the foundation for theirs.

Notes to remember

Our little sensory beings are still trying to make sense of the world and its various stimuli. More importantly, how to react appropriately and communicate their needs effectively will still take some time to develop. Our little ones tend to break down when their senses are over-loaded and are unable to communicate how they feel or what they need.

The appropriate way of acting and communicating will develop through practice and being shown the correct way in which to do these things.

Provide your little one with a safe space to identify and express their emotions. Reiterate that their feelings are valid, but it's their response to those feelings that is important and requires work.

Support, love and patience is key.